I'm a self-deprecating bad pun generator.
Howdy, my name is Wayne Keller and this is my interweb portal for pretentious posturing.
First and foremost, I’m a lifelong bicycle nerd. Currently passing three and a half decades of riding splintery, under-vert ramps (two page spot in Freestylin’ mag in late 80’s inspired the moniker), searching for the elusive Voelker-worthy grass bank to wall ride, coasting circles around parking lots on one wheel, flattening the sprocket teeth on concrete ledges, jumping carpet covered sand piles, welding up highly questionable two wheeled contraptions, cruising for hours through beautiful Central Florida forest singletrack, racing in the old man league of extraordinary gentlemen that is the Masters cyclocross class, and desperately trying to hold the wheels of the young guns on our bi-weekly road beatdown sessions tends to produce a certain amount of teary eyed affection and devotion for the world of pedal power.
This love is transmitted through community efforts to encourage existing riders and cultivate new ones through social and competitive events centered in our area. I am the secretary of our local tri-county IMBA/SORBA trail group, Flagler Area Biking Sorba, where we organize numerous events throughout Central Florida and assist in maintaining our darn rad 5 local mountain bike trails. I volunteer at our wonderful local bike mecca, JC’s Bike Shop for fund raising events and general rowdiness as well as offering what I can in the local race scene for cyclocross, mtb and road. As a perk in karmic value, I also offer free bike repairs at my kid’s school.
I have a deep-rooted urge to rescue unloved, discarded bicycles and bring them home to my ever growing garden of rusty steeds that is the mothball fleet. (that link will be here in a bit). Usually the more decrepit and mechanically deficient, the better. The one thing they must have is character, this quality is difficult to convey in words, but I know it when I see it. Big box bikes do not have character for example. These treasures are often rehab’d, rewelded, reworked and ridden back and forth to work every day (since 87!). As a random employment note, I have not taken a sick-day, or been late to work for 14 years ….that’s just mental.
As far as competitive events go , with the utmost humility and respect, in 2016 I stood on the podium 29 times out of 33 Cyclocross races and achieved #2 in state rankings for Masters 45+ and 7th in all-ages singlespeed (coming in midseason on a slightly ironic 1994 Cannondale retro rocket). In addition several podium spots were incurred at a number of mtb endurance events. I also won the prestigious and world renowned Patrick Cup International full contact downhill tricycle eliminator series (so darn fun!)
For 2017 I won the Florida Cyclocross Series and the WAR CX series title for old farts 45+. Pause for chest puffing. I managed second in Florida Cyclocross Singlespeed Series and won the WAR CX Singlespeed Series (completely due to the graciousness of my competitors as the final race was walked with busted collarbone. Hats off to you guys, you rock) . I placed second in the Orlando airport time trial series in Eddie Merckx division. I allegedly also won the world renowned Patrick Cup International full contact downhill tricycle eliminator series again, but due to aforementioned collarbone destruction, I still think it should go to the indomitable Keith Legg.
For 2018, I intend to simply do the best I can while focusing entirely on having fun, making people laugh, and bring more folks into the wonderfully wacky world that is central Florida cycling.
Somehow, I’m an extremely lucky and undeserving husband of 24+ years and father of two absolutely amazing teenage daughters (hence grey hair, bad posture and questionable disposition).
For “cultural” contributions, I’m a sci-fi book nerd (Iain Banks, Greg Bear, Orson Scott Card etc) and vinyl record hoarder (New Order, Minor Threat, LTJ Bukem, The Police, Thievery Corporation etc).
Clearly, I’m also an accomplished humble bragger.